Reasons
by KellieKat
Summary: "I believe . . . everything happens for a reason." In the wake of Penelope's untimely death, those who knew her struggle to find a reason for this pain.
1. Derek Morgan

_**The 2015 Profiler's Choice Awards are on! Calling all CM readers and Authors! Join us in the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards; help us choose the best of the best Criminal Minds fanfiction and let your voice be heard. Check out the nomination ballot and rules at the Profilers Choice Awards 2015 Forum. All rules and information can be found there. Nominations begin November 14, 2015 and end December 31, 2015 (please note: ballots received before November 14 will not be counted. Thank you). All entries with ten (10) or more categories filled out are eligible to win an Amazon gift card!**_

Derek Morgan can't remember the last time he cried, but the tears are flowing freely now. He's spent days trying to be strong, trying to pretend that he can function without her, but he can't keep up the act anymore. He can't stand here by her casket, looking down at his Baby Girl's beautiful but lifeless face and pretend that he's okay.

Derek's shoulders shake violently as he thinks about the special relationship he had with Penelope and realizes that suddenly it's much, much too late to stop being scared. He's been happy dancing that flirty little dance of theirs for years, always assuming he'd have time to get serious with her when he was ready. They'd made it through so much - bombs and bullets alike - but were suddenly separated by a speeding car and the crash of metal on metal.

It was painfully unfair, he thought angrily, that the very same thing that had take her parents from her so young hand ripped her life away from her, too - a drunk driver.

Derek suddenly turned from her casket and stalked away, tears falling fast, choking back a sob, rubbing his hand over his head in agony. It could've been me. I could have killed her. Although he hadn't been the driver that had taken Penelope's life, as he thought about the way alcohol had slowly but surely began to saturate his life, he knew it sure as hell could've been. He'd driven drunk several times lately as he began to turn to the bottle to solve his problems, and shame began to permeate his body as he imagined how hurt Penelope would've been to know he had. He'd known about her parents, after all, and had still put other drivers' lives in danger the same way her parents' killer had - and now her own as well.

"God, I'm sorry, Penelope," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion and tears as he stepped back towards her body and took her small, cold hand in both of his and placed a gentle kiss on her skin. "So, so sorry."

As he held her hand one last time, he remembered something she'd said to him once, so long ago that it seemed like it had happened in another lifetime - "Everything happens for a reason." This woman, this sweet, funny, beautiful, amazing woman, had believed that with every fiber of her being, and Derek's heart surged with determination to make that sentiment ring true even in her absence.

He gently replaced her hand in its original spot and ran his dark, calloused hand down the soft, pale skin of her face, knowing suddenly that he was done drinking. A strange peace washed over him as he resolved to pour all of his alcohol down the drain the moment he got home. Getting himself sober didn't seem like nearly a good enough reason for his Goddess to be taken from him, but as a tear dripped from his face onto hers, he knew it was a start.


	2. Aaron Hotchner

_**The 2015 Profiler's Choice Awards are on! Calling all CM readers and Authors! Join us in the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards; help us choose the best of the best Criminal Minds fanfiction and let your voice be heard. Check out the nomination ballot and rules at the Profilers Choice Awards 2015 Forum. All rules and information can be found there. Nominations begin November 14, 2015 and end December 31, 2015 (please note: ballots received before November 14 will not be counted. Thank you). All entries with ten (10) or more categories filled out are eligible to win an Amazon gift card!**_

SSA Aaron Hotchner had seen a lot of death. He'd seen unsubs commit suicide by cop, and he'd held children in his arms as they took their final breaths. He'd watched helplessly as innocent bystanders were killed in vicious attacks and even heard his wife's murder through the phone.

None of these deaths, though, horrific though they all were, had affected him in quite the way this one was.

Hayley's death, of course, had been heart-shattering. The woman he loved and the mother of his child had been brutally murdered, and there was nothing he could do about it. This situation, though, was different altogether.

When Hayley died, he knew what to do. He knew the right words to say to Jack; he'd repeated them to other victims' children a hundred times. It had been impossibly hard, of course, maintaining his composure as best he could for the sake of his child, but at least he'd known what to do, and he'd had his team to lean on for support.

Right now, though, as he stood by her Garcia's smooth white casket and looked out at the faces of his teammates - mourning, stunned, broken - he had no idea how to proceed. After glancing over to make sure Jack was still sitting quietly with Henry on a small sofa across the room, Aaron turned back to face the woman he still couldn't quite believe was gone.

He smoothed down his time - a purple one with stripes she'd once given him for his birthday - and his lips curled into the tiniest of melancholy smiles as he remembered snippets of all the things she'd said to him over the years. Penelope Garcia was a pretty remarkable woman, he knew: always encouraging, remarkably witty, and openly flirtatious in a not-quite-appropriate way that had a way of making him smile in spite of himself, even now.

She'd been so sure of herself, he recalled, even from the first time they met. When he arrested her in California, she'd been an illegal hacker who was convinced that she was acting for the greater good, unashamed of the fact that she carried pink scented stationery in her purse, and not the least bit shy about taking a sexy jab at the FBI agent who unlocked her handcuffs. Hotch's shoulders shook with a bittersweet cry and he wiped a few tears from his face.

As he continued to reminisce about Garcia, something came to mind that he remembered her saying a time or two: "Everything happens for a reason." She'd been so certain of that, the way she'd been certain of nearly everything in her life, and he couldn't help but wonder what purpose she'd think this tragedy served. Knowing her, she'd probably have flashed that beautiful smile and said something that made everyone feel a little better about life. She certainly had a way of doing so.

God, he was going to miss her. Not just Penelope as a friend, though he certainly had counted her as such, but on a much larger scale. He was going to miss the way she was always there, always positive, always bringing a little light into the darkness. As the thought struck him, he turned over his shoulder to look at Jack again, growing up so fast and right before his eyes. Life was so beautiful, and Aaron was suddenly aware of his own tendency to get lost in all the pain. As he walked towards his son and once again gave the softest of smiles, he could practically hear Penelope's familiar voice in his head, laughing and saying, "Well, Boss-man, I guess you're gonna need a bulb, 'cause it's time to find your own light."


End file.
